Secret of My Heart
by Nozomi Kurihara
Summary: There were times I want to say "I love you, is it okay?" Maybe you'll just nod and change the opened lot.
1. I love you, is it okay?

I lay awake, listening to the silence pressing on me, like waves passing through. Then, there came a soft melody, putting aside the silence. The melody didn't frighten me, but it seemed to make me calm. It went directly to my heart, my ears didn't hear it but it was more like that my soul felt it. I suddenly felt bound by the melody to move towards it. I didn't feel my cold, numb feet, as they seemed to glide against the smooth hard wood floor. The trees outside my window swayed to the gentle melody.

My trembling, clammy hand groped in the darkness for the window. I finally opened the window, and felt the cool winds.

As the wind touched my face, I was aware. I wasn't hypnotized anymore. I saw the great night sky. As I gazed the night sky, my mind wanders off:

I never thought that I'd fall for you. All I know is you're a friend so true. I thought you're just a special friend that was always by my side. Fighting with me and protecting me from danger.

We had jokes for fun, shared tears under the sun. You were mysterious, a person that can never be unserious. I know that I can never make you my own, for we have different worlds. I also know that I should only follow the instructions you give. But what is this I feel? Can't I be a proper warrior?

As time passes by, you were different in my eyes. I treated you as a man, and not as a warrior. I feel something like never before, that changed my entire core. Your smile changed my life. Your instructions, which I cannot follow anymore. But can you still accept me, even if I am not deserving as a warrior like you?

Every time I see you in the battlefield I can't help but to smile out of the blue. This makes Wu defeated. I am so sorry. I know I need to apologize for the defeat. But when I'm with you, I can't help but to be so true.

If ever we argue with the plans, you were to finish it through. When you slash more enemies that tries to attack me, I just fall more and my heart so sooth.

How I love you. No jokes, no pranks nothing but the truth. My heart shouts for your name. Wishing that you feel the same about me.

My hopes aren't too high, I'm not dreaming for you to be mine. I just wish to continue to be so close to you. I don't want you to go away. I always want to be your partner, every time there's a battle. But that can't go well, for I have lost my rank with my mistakes.

Even every night, I wish to hold you tight. To share with you starry evenings, and split those amazing dreams. Can it be hard for you and me be together one night? Sharing my dreams?

Sometimes I can't help to wonder, do you ponder me as a friend or a secret lover? But just then, it came to me. You love to battle with me but not to stay with me.

I've tried to accept the truth. Friendship that's true is only our fruit. Of course, I'm hurt but nothing can do. It's not my luck to have you as my own.

There were times I want to say, "I love you, is it okay?" Maybe you'll just nod and change the opened lot.

I don't want to be a burden anymore, for you to protect me all the time. All I want is for you to accept me, even not as a lover but an intimate. But neither that, you can do. For I'm a burden that will lead us to defeat.

I'll just let my dream to fly, for you to be happy without me being the burden. Go pick another partner, for us to win. For us to be triumphant without me. Maybe I can grow old with you in a different but friendly demeanor.

I know I'm not your prior. But in this heart of yours, I have a place to partake. As a partner in battle, and nothing more.

But I'll continue to love you so true. Even the truth is that I can't have you, I'm contented in my dreams. Where I can shower you with kisses.

And this love I offer you, dear. It has more positive things to bear for I know you love me in a different manner. As a friend and not a lover.


	2. Secret of My Heart

My eyes started to water. And I looked down to notice that the melody never stopped. I searched for the person who played the melody. And there was Lu Xun, with a leaf in his mouth.

He removed the leaf from his mouth and said:

"I do not know how I could put this so that I'd be able to tell you. But, ever since you accepted me to Wu, countless seasons have just passed by. I wanted to say this something to you, so please come down, and come to the oak tree nearby. I will be waiting."

He suddenly ran off to the oak tree. I thought this was the chance, this was the chance for me and Lu Xun to share the starry evenings together. I ran off to my cabinet to get a coat. As I grabbed the coat, I bolted from the door as fast as lightning. I ran until I reached the oak tree. As I heard a voice from the darkness:

"You were always by my side, but there's still one thing left I can't say. Sun Shang Xiang, I don't doubt you at all so as long as we always have a bit of future I should be able to make it reality. I still can't say, just a little longer, I'm waiting for a chance. Such quiet times, I want to be more connected to you. I was just afraid of showing you everything. Walking slightly apart, for some reason, looking at you from the side you seem about to crumble, and I want to protect, and be closer to you. You'll understand won't you? Everyone has times when they want to run away but if we do that, nothing gets started. I can't say, I know I'm calling for a chance, can I tell the truth? I just keep going round and round, unable to say that feeling in my heart. I can't hide it anymore, too much time has taken place. 'Cause I love you."

Those words, I awaited for a long time. I'm glad that you felt the same, but what can I say? Should I say the same to him? I can see even in the darkness that his face is as red as a plum. Yes, I also need to say what I feel:

"I will be with you, wherever you are, can you feel my heart? Can't you see, you're my dream, I don't wanna lose. Those precious times I spent with you, I was about to give up, trust me. I just wanna say, I won't hesitate any longer. Can't you see, you're my heart. Anything beyond here will someday be easily destroyed but we still won't ever change, secret of my heart, our future is forever. If you are still willing, could you please play the melody of yours again?"

* * *

_Fin_


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